Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
