it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
