I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
50% drunk capacity currently
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
