He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
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I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
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Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.