I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity