when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event