The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
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There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
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GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.