I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.