This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
