either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
