and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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