Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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