Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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