There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
