i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
