I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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