I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
