you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
