After last night, I could never be a politician.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
