i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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