3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
