So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
