Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
