you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
