she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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