moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
