I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
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He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
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Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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