Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
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Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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