I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
