he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
