I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
