somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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