That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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