Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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