good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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