yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
