you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The beer is more important than you right now.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
