What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We don't watch enough power rangers
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
