last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
