She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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