Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
