how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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