Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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