Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
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I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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