how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
