So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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