Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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