its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
