Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
