Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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