He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
