ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
