btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
