Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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