Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
