doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
