My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
