Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
