Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
