So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
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gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
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I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome