Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  I think I won the penis lottery.

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  (310): I think I won the penis lottery. http://tfl.nu/0aks
  Replies (33) Good night (5711) Bad night (707)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.

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  (614): if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle? (1-614): i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you. http://tfl.nu/6cnp
  Replies (34) Good night (684) Bad night (3966)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.

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  (612): I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda. http://tfl.nu/fjuw
  Replies (111) Good night (6865) Bad night (2636)
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  (707): View more from California

  I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on

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  (707): I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on http://tfl.nu/0k8v
  Replies (26) Good night (3152) Bad night (1220)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds

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  (713): Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds http://tfl.nu/uf3z
  Replies (11) Good night (4881) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.

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  (520): We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis. http://tfl.nu/wjfa
  Replies (9) Good night (3366) Bad night (1212)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!

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  (209): This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ! http://tfl.nu/qsnl
  Replies (7) Good night (1953) Bad night (694)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.

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  (561): If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying. http://tfl.nu/hkz1
  Replies (3) Good night (1742) Bad night (758)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.

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  (440): Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis. http://tfl.nu/jmye
  Replies (7) Good night (1884) Bad night (713)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer

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  (623): Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer http://tfl.nu/er6w
  Replies (4) Good night (760) Bad night (1327)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick

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  (602): Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick http://tfl.nu/rl3u
  Replies (4) Good night (507) Bad night (1417)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.

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  (504): So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius. http://tfl.nu/mef6
  Replies (3) Good night (738) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?

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  (704): Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no? http://tfl.nu/hcll
  Replies (4) Good night (841) Bad night (543)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left

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  (519): I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left http://tfl.nu/xq18
  Replies (1) Good night (633) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested

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  (301): What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested http://tfl.nu/1943
  Replies (1) Good night (404) Bad night (306)

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