I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
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Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
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You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties