I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
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Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
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Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.