Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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