Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
