I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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