another moral hangover. fuck.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
