Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
