Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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