It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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