and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
