so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
