It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
