I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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