I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
