I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
