im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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