saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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