I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
