I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
