just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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