OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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