obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
